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I had a long talk with boyfriend tonight and I’ve decided not to continue with medication.
are you still doing better?? I was so glad to read the last read more!! Ily
Hello anon YES everything is getting much better!!! I went to the store and a restaurant yesterday but had to excuse myself from the restaurant early because I panicked about getting nauseated… lol. The point is I recovered from it pretty quickly. Last night I finally slept a solid 7 hours without waking up anxious (with my door closed and the light off, like a boss). Today I feel… really good, and tbh I’m anxious about THAT, but I think things are starting to change. Day 5 is very very weird in a good way.
There are many trials left but I don’t feel like Day 1. I don’t feel like maybe I should quit.
THANK U FOR CHECKING IN IT WARMS MY HEART
So I went to the doctor.
And I took my little list of symptoms and observations and made great use of it. And I talked to the doctor, and a counselor (who was really nice, and had anxiety issues himself, so we could relate… lol). I have a prescription for Celexa (Citalopram). They told me pretty much what I expected, which is that I have mixed anxiety and depression. I have a followup appointment and a counseling appointment in two weeks. We’re going to try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. In the meantime he gave me some breathing/relaxation things to try, and we talked a lot about the physical symptoms of anxiety (which are the things I have the most trouble with), how they work, and how to counteract them. He confirmed a lot of things I suspected. We’re hoping that once I’m more consistently calm and able to relax, my pain issues will sort of subside.
The doctor also just plain forgot to schedule me with a physical therapist last time I was there. I came in kind of a mess and my anxiety stuff kind of spilled all over the floor, so I can understand why that happened. She said she’d make it a priority. So soon I will be getting some kind of treatment for my shitty neck/shoulder/arm problems.
I sorta staggered out of the building and ended up in the line at Wendy’s down the street. I sat there and read the six pages of drug information about Citalopram. I’m scared, but for god’s sake, I’ve spent my whole life scared. I’m still doubting myself, but I’ve done that my whole life too and it never did me much good. I looked back at my notes, the things I scrawled yesterday in an anticipatory panic, and told myself, “This is good. You are doing the right thing.”
So yeah, I’m scared. But I’m also relieved, and excited. I’m not expecting miracles, but this is a big step toward major change.
Thank you for sending me nice messages and leaving me advice and generally commiserating. I will probably keep posting about my experiences, but maybe I’ll make a tag in case people want to block it. #brainmancy? We’ll see.
UM SO??? I’m going to my doctor’s office tomorrow to talk about Mental Health Stuff (and hopefully find out where that promised physical therapist disappeared off to, because I haven’t heard a damn thing).
My brain is off its rails and I have no idea where I’m going to start or what I’m going to say or how to coherently talk about what’s wrong with me but maybe something good will happen tomorrow.
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